Giving: Not Always Easy

'Tis the season for giving. We all know that, just like we all know that 15 minutes could save us ... well, you know. But I've been thinking a lot about giving lately, mostly because of my dog. 

My husband and I got this new Airedale puppy. We love her, but Airedales are scary smart, stubborn, independent, stubborn, hard-headed, stubborn, and described in their breed standard as "willfully disobedient." Did I mention they're stubborn? Ours is no different. She can be a total love (still wants to be a lap dog at 30+ pounds), or a total maniac. Her choice. We've been brushing up on our training advice in order to mitigate the problems, and the answers to many of the issues are: keep them busy. Dogs need jobs, and if we don't give them jobs, they will find their own--and we may not like them. Tire them out. A tired dog is a good dog. That means, for now, our lives revolve around this pup. We take her for walks. We play with her in the house. We play with her out in the yard. We teach her manners and tricks. We hide treats and have her find them. When she's in an agreeable mood, it's all fun. When she's not, it's harder than hell. 

Annie the Airedale

So the other day she was being a brat and I was getting short-tempered. I was resentful for not being able to do what I wanted to do and mad at her for doing all the things puppies do: jumping up on me, getting dirty paw prints on my pants, biting me, thinking I'm playing when I'm trying to discipline her, you name it. Aggravated, I kept doing the things I thought she needed, and she kept being a brat. 

Finally I had to walk away.

And then I remembered. Ages ago, I read somewhere (can't remember where) one book of many about taking care of ourselves. About mental health. I don't now remember what book or who wrote it, I remember nothing but one line:

Giving out of less than fullness is giving poison.

I realized I was doing that. I was trying to meet the pup's needs but I was neglecting my own, and it showed. I wasn't connecting with her, I wasn't being effective, I was just making myself mad and her crazy for all the wrong reasons. I wasn't giving out of fullness. 

It occurred to me that this same principle can apply to everything we do in life. It certainly applies to writing. Not completely committed to the book you're writing? It shows. Writing commercial fiction to meet a deadline, please a publisher or make a buck? It shows. But writing from the heart, writing from fullness, that shows, too. Writing from fullness means pouring ourselves into the story, it means giving fully what the story needs for no other reason than that the story requires it, and it means not putting anything down on the paper until we, ourselves, are topped off completely in all the ways that matter. Mentally, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually full. Anything less diminishes the story and diminishes us as writers. Easy? Hell, no. (You did read the title of this post, right?) But it's a valuable concept, one well worth considering.

And something for which I need constant reminding. Luckily, I have this dog ...

Christmas Stories

Christmas is a wonderful season for stories. There are all sorts of traditional stories, of course, but the season lends itself to newer variations as well. A few years ago, my husband and I began a new tradition in our home of watching all our favorite Christmas movies during the month of December. In the past, we might have watched these movies now and then during the year, but since we started this tradition, we don't, and now we really look forward to seeing them all in December. I thought I would share with you my favorite Christmas stories (even though these are movies and not books--stories are stories, right?). In alphabetical order, they are:

Bell, Book and Candle - Okay, not primarily a Christmas movie, but it does have Christmas in it. What better way to celebrate Christmas than with witch Kim Novak and "victim" Jimmy Stewart? One of the best lines is when Stewart tries to tell his ex-girlfriend that Novak is a witch and she says, "Oh, Shep, you just never learned to spell."

Brother Sun, Sister Moon - Another not exactly Christmas movie, but one that always brings the season home to me. I'm not a church-goer, but the end of the movie where soon-to-be Saint Francis goes to the Vatican to see the Pope fills any need I might have for organized religion. Sir Alec Guinness as the Pope delivers the most classic line in this beautiful and luscious story. I cry every time I hear it.

The Holiday - A surprising little story of two women (Carmen Diaz and Kate Winslet) who switch houses for the holidays, each trying to get away from their unhappy and stressful lives. The heart of the story, however, is Eli Wallach as an aging Hollywood writer. And Jack Black is cute enough to eat with a spoon.

It's a Wonderful Life - The quintessential Christmas movie about a man who thinks the world would be a better place if he'd never been born. If you're not familiar with this movie, you must be living under a rock. This is THE classic.

Joyeux Noel - You don't often find war movies in a Christmas collection, but this one is a gem. It's based on true incidents during WWI when French, Scot and German troops agreed to a spontaneous and unsanctioned Christmas Eve truce between the trenches. The surprising events underscore the true essence of humanity.

The Last Holiday - Queen Latifah shines as a struggling sales associate in a scrooge-like chain store (think Wal-Mart) who is diagnosed with a terminal disease. When she decides to blow her life's savings doing all the things she never dared to do before, she shows everyone around her what living is all about. 

Love Actually - My favorite Christmas movie, weaving together no less than seven or eight (it's hard to keep track, since they all criss-cross each other) stories about the true importance of Christmas. Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, Emma Thompson, Liam Neeson, Bill Nighy and Keira Knightly and many others make this ensemble story a real winner. 

The Santa Claus 2 - Of the series, this is far and away the best. The first movie was good, the third was horrible but this one is perfect. This movie has more heart than a dozen Hallmark movies, plus it's funny. Don't skip the credits at the end though; one of the best parts is Elizabeth Mitchell doing her Mrs. Claus dance.

Sleepless in Seattle - One of the best stories about following your heart and doing the very thing your head tells you not to. Tom Hanks brings a heart-breaking realism to the kind of fantasy we all yearn for. 

Trans-Siberian Orchestra's Ghost of Christmas Eve - If you're not into hard rock and heavy metal, I can understand if you've never heard of this. However, I think you owe it to yourself to give it a try. TSO's ground-breaking music and retelling of traditional stories are absolutely transcending. They are like Mannheim Steamroller on steroids. My Christmas would never be complete without TSO echoing through the house. Here's a youtube link to one of my favorite songs: Canon.

So here's my present to you; pick one or all of these movies and watch them. I guarantee you won't be disappointed. 

Merry Christmas!

Author Interview: Janet Mainville

Every day is a breakthrough, milestone day for someone somewhere. Just recently, my pal (and distant relative) Janet Mainville had her breakthrough day; she published her first book, Scar Tissue. I can remember that heady day (over 40 years ago for me), that jumping-for-joy, happy-dance day. It’s a day that should be celebrated and remembered.

So Janet, congratulations! Tell us a bit about your book. What’s in it and what inspired it?   

Well, Melissa, it's a book of poetry and essays that are related to the human condition. I wanted an outlet for the feelings that I was coping with and writing the book provided that release. My inspiration for the book was my own personal experiences, my family and my interest in writing through the eyes of a different character, one who I share no common ground with.

When you originally wrote the pieces in the book, did you actually intend to publish them? I’m just wondering if you wrote with the idea in mind that people everywhere would someday be reading them.   

Actually, I planned to publish some of them but not all of them. I opened up and shared some writings that I never thought that I would. It was actually the idea that one day, someone would be reading the book that made allowing myself to be vulnerable that made it possible for me to write the book. It's my hope that somewhere someone will read my book and not feel alone in their struggles.

A very worthwhile intent, to be sure. Writing personal experience (and personal emotion) can be scary, but it can also be very therapeutic. Did you find that writing down your experiences was helpful to you? How does writing help you in your own personal process?  

I found writing to be very therapeutic and terrifying simultaneously. Sometimes the words that I want to say are on the tip of my tongue but I just can't seem to get them out, but when I write, I can bare my soul and that has made all of the difference.

You’re facing very serious health issues in your life. Did writing about them help you to cope? Did it help to give you some perspective?    

Absolutely!  Coping was so much more difficult before I began writing! I was stuck before I began writing and that was not helping me at all. Since I started writing, I have gained so much perspective and I've become able to find strength that I never knew that I had!

That is good to know. I'm so glad. I've also found writing to be immensely therapeutic.

I’m guessing that writing about your experiences has proved helpful for others who have similar health issues. What kind of feedback have you gotten?  

I'd like to think that my writing has had an impact on others with the similar health issues. I started a Facebook community page called "Just a Little Lupie" and a closed group called "Just a Little Lupie". I wrote a petition regarding Judge Judy's uniformed and ignorant comments regarding lupus and in a pretty short amount of time, I had well over 4,000 signatures. I am also working on a photo collage banner for the group/page that represents our daily struggles, what we've lost, what had changed for us and what has made us stronger. The feedback that I have received has been unreal! A big part of the reason feedback has been so strong and positive is because I have 2 other admins who are awesome where I tend to not be as strong. I've been working on a document compiling a list of all of the vitamins, minerals and herbs and their effect on the body (the good and the bad). I have a medical background so that has been really helpful.

Wow, great results! Obviously you're on the right track and accomplishing exactly what you had planned. I'm sure you'll be doing more and more as you go.

Okay, now down to brass tacks. How was the publishing process for you? Scary? Fun? Frustrating? Liberating?   

I have to say, it's a bit terrifying! While it's been a bit on the scary side, it really has been fun. Liberating doesn't even begin to describe how I feel! This has always been a dream of mine and I love that I have been able to make it a reality!

Glad to hear it. Writing while thinking about publishing can be somewhat of a safe haven because how many people actually go through with it? But once you've committed to it, it's a bit like jumping off a cliff. What did you learn along the way?  

Oh boy...where to start!  I learned that formatting can really be quite difficult and that it's good to have more than one person edit! 

Now the clincher; will you do it again? Are there more books in Janet Mainville’s brain?  

I am absolutely going to do it again!  I have so many ideas in my head and I have been finding myself getting extremely excited over the prospect of writing more books in different genres.  I want to branch out and I want to write in styles that I've never tried before!  I want to challenge myself!

Coming off your oh-so-recent success, if someone came to you and said they had a book they wanted to publish, what advice would you give them?   

My advice would be to love what you are writing or the book won't be what you want it to be.  It's important to take pride in your work. Another piece of advice is to be original.  There are certain themes in books that have been done to death and that's the kiss of death. Just be authentic.

Thanks for your very candid answers, Janet. I know your book will do everything you wanted it to do. Now, where can readers find out more about Janet Mainville and Scar Tissue?

AmazonAuthor Page 

Amazon purchase page

Barnes and Noble 

Where can readers connect with you?

My email address is jmainville1976@hotmail.com

Facebook Links:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/jmainville1976/

            https://www.facebook.com/Janet.M.Mainville

Website  (This is a just in its beginning stages and my goal will be to sell my books there in addition to other places. It's a work in progress.)

Goodreads